You might turn to her when she's making you coffee early on a Sunday morning, her hair amess, with shadows of unwashed mascara under her eyes from the day before, and you'll say, "you make me want to be a better man." Maybe she will smile, maybe she won't say anything, maybe she'll just stare, waiting for you to get up from the table and leave. The Practice Girl has heard this before, and she knows what it means.
Because a better man doesn't settle, right? A better man looks for what he thinks is the extraordinary, not the suddenly boring creature looking at him from across the table, serving him coffee exactly the way he likes it. Something about her isn't enough, he'll think. Sure, she's pretty. She makes you laugh, and she's witty, and fun, but she's kinda rough and cynical. Life has hardened her, she's tough and has often faced things alone. She's quiet when she's hurting and doesn't want to talk about it. She says stupid things, and calls you out when you're being stupid, too. You look at her, and her messy hair, and her unwashed face, and lines that are beginning to form under them and she isn't perfect, but she knows you like two sugars and a tablespoon of creamer in your coffee. She knows what underwear you like and you want the undershirts without the tag, because the others bother your skin and all you do is bitch. She knows you don't like to sit through the commercials, so she starts The Walking Dead 30 minutes in, so there's enough fast forward. She knows you're a big, dumb baby when you're sick, but she knows you like sprite when your throat is sore. She'll run to Walmart at 3am if you're throwing up to buy you all the different kinds of stomach medicine she can find just so you'll feel better. And THAT is why you're a better man. She taught you your potential.
But, you're a better man, now. What kind of man? What kind of man do you want to be? Drink your coffee, and put on your clothes she set out for you. Look at her from across the table and tell her again how much better you feel. Tell her you love her, but not enough because she is boring and doesn't like to hike, or go chase fireflies , or lay out on a blanket at night connecting the goddamn stars, or whatever it is you think makes life fucking delightful. Tell her you found someone else. Look at her and tell her she isn't what you want, because that's better than telling her she makes you want to be a better man. But, The Practice Girl hears it enough. She doesn't need you to say it again. She'd have fought for you. She'd have let you have her lungs if you needed them to breathe.
She is not meant to be the student, she was born to be the teacher. Practice Girl opens up the mediocre, the normal busy, and shows it the world and loves it until it is extraordinary. You're looking at the world with messy hair in pajamas and tired eyes, so if you're better now, stop and make her feel like you were worth it. Stop searching and stare at her and make her food and tell her she is brilliant and buy her chocolate when it feels like a million baby dinosaurs are hatching inside her lady place. Give her forehead kisses before she sleeps and tell her she is extraordinary, because she made you want to be a better man, and then made you into one. The kind that stays. She might be a little rough, but she's tired of practicing. Let her rest.
